35

Today I have been alive for exactly 35 years.
I think back 20 years to my 15th birthday... I remember the day for lots of reasons. It was on this day that I learned I had been cast as the "Teen Angel" in a production of Grease (my first ever solo in a musical). A psychotic high school friend of mine organized a surprise birthday party for me and assembled the most random, awkward group of people possible.... not to mention I was wearing acid washed jeans (clinging to the final days of the 80's)! I ate with my family at the Black Angus restaurant, which at the time was a birthday tradition for me ( the following year I would give up eating meat forever). It was also our neighborhood's annual, "Throw out your huge trash day", where people got to put stuff on the curb that was too big to go in the garbage can (furniture, etc...), and I found a nearly 8 foot tall wrought iron planter in the shape of a spiral staircase about a half block from home while out on a walk with friends. I carried it home and kept it for 15 years.
Why does today make me think about a birthday 20 years ago?... Not sure.... I guess because I like even numbers.
A lot has changed for me in 20 years. The world seems to have changed a lot too! I mean, some things never really change but it's definitely not 1989 anymore.
In another 20 years, I will be 55... which doesn't really seem old at all... Makes me feel like I've got time to breathe and appreciate all the superficial changes in life.
I don't feel like the person that I was at 15. Not really at all. I remember him and I love him and sometimes I wish I could have told him to take it easy and trust the universe, but ultimately he learned to and so... here I still am!
I wonder if me at 55 will think back to this day and feel a connection to the man I am right now. I wonder if me at 55 will view me today in the way that I view the 15 year old.... I hope in many ways that he will, because that will mean that I continued to allow myself to change, grow, explore and get rid of all the bullshit that comes up.
I'm learning that I like life!! I really, really do and I'm so glad that changing is just a matter of going with the flow... not forcing anything. It's all good!
Happy birthday to me!
-Clay

PS. I really like Erin's blog below. Very thought provoking! Read it.