Wednesday, September 30, 2009
helpin'
Ady is a fabulous actress. She has played all kinds of roles, like Barb Tuggle. And she sang "Broadway Baby" in Follies as a child. Well, today, she is moving to the big scary city, and i am along for the ride. go me. upper body strength and strong feet. helpin'.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
35
Today I have been alive for exactly 35 years.
I think back 20 years to my 15th birthday... I remember the day for lots of reasons. It was on this day that I learned I had been cast as the "Teen Angel" in a production of Grease (my first ever solo in a musical). A psychotic high school friend of mine organized a surprise birthday party for me and assembled the most random, awkward group of people possible.... not to mention I was wearing acid washed jeans (clinging to the final days of the 80's)! I ate with my family at the Black Angus restaurant, which at the time was a birthday tradition for me ( the following year I would give up eating meat forever). It was also our neighborhood's annual, "Throw out your huge trash day", where people got to put stuff on the curb that was too big to go in the garbage can (furniture, etc...), and I found a nearly 8 foot tall wrought iron planter in the shape of a spiral staircase about a half block from home while out on a walk with friends. I carried it home and kept it for 15 years.
Why does today make me think about a birthday 20 years ago?... Not sure.... I guess because I like even numbers.
A lot has changed for me in 20 years. The world seems to have changed a lot too! I mean, some things never really change but it's definitely not 1989 anymore.
In another 20 years, I will be 55... which doesn't really seem old at all... Makes me feel like I've got time to breathe and appreciate all the superficial changes in life.
I don't feel like the person that I was at 15. Not really at all. I remember him and I love him and sometimes I wish I could have told him to take it easy and trust the universe, but ultimately he learned to and so... here I still am!
I wonder if me at 55 will think back to this day and feel a connection to the man I am right now. I wonder if me at 55 will view me today in the way that I view the 15 year old.... I hope in many ways that he will, because that will mean that I continued to allow myself to change, grow, explore and get rid of all the bullshit that comes up.
I'm learning that I like life!! I really, really do and I'm so glad that changing is just a matter of going with the flow... not forcing anything. It's all good!
Happy birthday to me!
-Clay
PS. I really like Erin's blog below. Very thought provoking! Read it.
I think back 20 years to my 15th birthday... I remember the day for lots of reasons. It was on this day that I learned I had been cast as the "Teen Angel" in a production of Grease (my first ever solo in a musical). A psychotic high school friend of mine organized a surprise birthday party for me and assembled the most random, awkward group of people possible.... not to mention I was wearing acid washed jeans (clinging to the final days of the 80's)! I ate with my family at the Black Angus restaurant, which at the time was a birthday tradition for me ( the following year I would give up eating meat forever). It was also our neighborhood's annual, "Throw out your huge trash day", where people got to put stuff on the curb that was too big to go in the garbage can (furniture, etc...), and I found a nearly 8 foot tall wrought iron planter in the shape of a spiral staircase about a half block from home while out on a walk with friends. I carried it home and kept it for 15 years.
Why does today make me think about a birthday 20 years ago?... Not sure.... I guess because I like even numbers.
A lot has changed for me in 20 years. The world seems to have changed a lot too! I mean, some things never really change but it's definitely not 1989 anymore.
In another 20 years, I will be 55... which doesn't really seem old at all... Makes me feel like I've got time to breathe and appreciate all the superficial changes in life.
I don't feel like the person that I was at 15. Not really at all. I remember him and I love him and sometimes I wish I could have told him to take it easy and trust the universe, but ultimately he learned to and so... here I still am!
I wonder if me at 55 will think back to this day and feel a connection to the man I am right now. I wonder if me at 55 will view me today in the way that I view the 15 year old.... I hope in many ways that he will, because that will mean that I continued to allow myself to change, grow, explore and get rid of all the bullshit that comes up.
I'm learning that I like life!! I really, really do and I'm so glad that changing is just a matter of going with the flow... not forcing anything. It's all good!
Happy birthday to me!
-Clay
PS. I really like Erin's blog below. Very thought provoking! Read it.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I touched a gun
Last Monday I forgot to do a blog. It's the first time that I've forgotten. I didn't realize I hadn't done one last week until yesterday. I think it is a symptom of the semester dragging me down into it's depths where the days no longer exist and the weeks become months in no time at all.
I've decided in the last few weeks that I really like Austin, and I've come to understand Texas in a way that wasn't possible with the giant Californian chip on my shoulder that I arrived here with. I've come to understand that everything that exists wants to be loved. And when you look at something to find it's faults you dishonor it. It is difficult at first to look at something like a redneck driving a monster truck and love it. But it's about focusing on things and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It feels really good to do it, because when you do you begin to look on yourself with love, and that is the best thing you could ever possibly do.
I was intensely irritated by the amount of seemingly gigantic trucks on the roads in Texas. it offended my west coast sensibilities and smacked of southern ignorance about fuel economy and the environment. But last week I saw one of the most amazing plays. It actually wasn't even a play, it was a workshop presentation of the second half of a musical by a company called the rude mechanicals. I love this company. They're young, and they take risks and they make fun interesting theatre. Anyway, their musical is called I've Never Been So Happy, and it's about the western way of life. It's got cowboys, cowgirls, mountain lions with German accents, and dachshunds. There is a song about what the west meant to people who came here to Texas, that it was a kind of freedom, and a symbol for living their life the way that they wanted to.
After the musical you went outside where they've set up different booths where you could interact with "the west". There was an outhouse that you went in and a man popped out from the toilet to scream foul language at you. There was western Karaoke, you could have your picture taken with cut outs of David Karesh and Bonny and Clyde. But my favorite was the "touch my gun" booth. You got to sit in the cab of a pick up truck and there was a man in the drivers seat that had a colt 45. he showed you that the gun wasn't loaded, and then asked if you wanted to hold it. I had never held a gun before, and so I took it from him. It was heavy. He encouraged me to pull the trigger. I was afraid at first, but I thought, when am I ever going to hold a gun again? So I pulled the trigger. I talked with the man about his truck and he said that he and his father had fixed it up, put in new vinyl, and things like that. It was at that moment that I understood about Texas trucks. They were a birthright. Passed down from generation to generation, and it bonded Texans together. It now made sense to me why there were so many, and why Texans love to drive them.
Now I can look at a truck and love it, because i think back to being in that pickup truck, sharing a moment with that man, who is an actor in the company, and doesn't really own a truck, and didn't fix that one up with his Dad, but all the same, I still love the moment I touched his gun.
I've decided in the last few weeks that I really like Austin, and I've come to understand Texas in a way that wasn't possible with the giant Californian chip on my shoulder that I arrived here with. I've come to understand that everything that exists wants to be loved. And when you look at something to find it's faults you dishonor it. It is difficult at first to look at something like a redneck driving a monster truck and love it. But it's about focusing on things and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It feels really good to do it, because when you do you begin to look on yourself with love, and that is the best thing you could ever possibly do.
I was intensely irritated by the amount of seemingly gigantic trucks on the roads in Texas. it offended my west coast sensibilities and smacked of southern ignorance about fuel economy and the environment. But last week I saw one of the most amazing plays. It actually wasn't even a play, it was a workshop presentation of the second half of a musical by a company called the rude mechanicals. I love this company. They're young, and they take risks and they make fun interesting theatre. Anyway, their musical is called I've Never Been So Happy, and it's about the western way of life. It's got cowboys, cowgirls, mountain lions with German accents, and dachshunds. There is a song about what the west meant to people who came here to Texas, that it was a kind of freedom, and a symbol for living their life the way that they wanted to.
After the musical you went outside where they've set up different booths where you could interact with "the west". There was an outhouse that you went in and a man popped out from the toilet to scream foul language at you. There was western Karaoke, you could have your picture taken with cut outs of David Karesh and Bonny and Clyde. But my favorite was the "touch my gun" booth. You got to sit in the cab of a pick up truck and there was a man in the drivers seat that had a colt 45. he showed you that the gun wasn't loaded, and then asked if you wanted to hold it. I had never held a gun before, and so I took it from him. It was heavy. He encouraged me to pull the trigger. I was afraid at first, but I thought, when am I ever going to hold a gun again? So I pulled the trigger. I talked with the man about his truck and he said that he and his father had fixed it up, put in new vinyl, and things like that. It was at that moment that I understood about Texas trucks. They were a birthright. Passed down from generation to generation, and it bonded Texans together. It now made sense to me why there were so many, and why Texans love to drive them.
Now I can look at a truck and love it, because i think back to being in that pickup truck, sharing a moment with that man, who is an actor in the company, and doesn't really own a truck, and didn't fix that one up with his Dad, but all the same, I still love the moment I touched his gun.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
It's funny how the universe does little things every now and then to help you out.
Amanda and I try to constantly watch new things. New movies, new shows. Or, let me rephrase, not necessarily recent, but stuff we hadn't seen before. Especially now that we are about to put our chapter in, we pay attention to different things. I feel like I see so much more now that I am thinking of what we're going to do. Anywho, we recently ran out of things to watch or watch again, with this new eye for detail. We've been doing the one dollar day rentals from safeway because we're forgetful delinquents with late fees we can't pay at both Blockbuster and TakeOne. "I thought they didn't have late fees at Blockbuster!" you say? So did I. But the Safeway has a small selection and we have exhausted it.
I went to sleep late on Saturday after working on the computer for a bit, only to be awakened (awoke? awoken?) by my brother telling me he had gotten sick and could I cover his shift from five thirty to eleven in the morning? There goes my only day off this week! So I slept for three hours and went. On the drive home I saw that the Blockbuster in Walnut Creek was going out of business and selling all their DVD's. Having fifty odd dollars to my name left from a recent paycheck, I barely got to know the other 500 thanks to my landlord. , I went in to take a look. I bought ten movies for $53! Then when I got home I got a call from Ady asking me if I wanted any of her old VHS movies she was going to have to get rid of! At rehearsal she gave me a huge bag of 20+ (possible thirty?!) tapes! Then, as I was saying bye to Clay he asked me if I had ever watched "French and Saunders" and gave me two series DVD's to watch! I think we're set for a while!
Thank you Universe! I love you!
Amanda and I try to constantly watch new things. New movies, new shows. Or, let me rephrase, not necessarily recent, but stuff we hadn't seen before. Especially now that we are about to put our chapter in, we pay attention to different things. I feel like I see so much more now that I am thinking of what we're going to do. Anywho, we recently ran out of things to watch or watch again, with this new eye for detail. We've been doing the one dollar day rentals from safeway because we're forgetful delinquents with late fees we can't pay at both Blockbuster and TakeOne. "I thought they didn't have late fees at Blockbuster!" you say? So did I. But the Safeway has a small selection and we have exhausted it.
I went to sleep late on Saturday after working on the computer for a bit, only to be awakened (awoke? awoken?) by my brother telling me he had gotten sick and could I cover his shift from five thirty to eleven in the morning? There goes my only day off this week! So I slept for three hours and went. On the drive home I saw that the Blockbuster in Walnut Creek was going out of business and selling all their DVD's. Having fifty odd dollars to my name left from a recent paycheck, I barely got to know the other 500 thanks to my landlord. , I went in to take a look. I bought ten movies for $53! Then when I got home I got a call from Ady asking me if I wanted any of her old VHS movies she was going to have to get rid of! At rehearsal she gave me a huge bag of 20+ (possible thirty?!) tapes! Then, as I was saying bye to Clay he asked me if I had ever watched "French and Saunders" and gave me two series DVD's to watch! I think we're set for a while!
Thank you Universe! I love you!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"Late Nights & Boogie" pt.1
The door wouldn't open... they'd been trying for 20 minutes. It had not rained in six months and Boogie couldn't believe this was the night the skies had decided to open up and... well... rain.
The phone kept ringing inside the apartment... They could hear the answering machine pick up again... and again.
"You've reached Florida and Jespo. We're probably out cruising the coastline in our Pontiac. Leave us a message and we'll like, call ya back man."
Suddenly Late Nights remembered the strange package in the car.
"Boogie, do you remember that box that was in the trunk?" Late Nights asked, still trying to pry the lock with her tickler. "We said we were gonna open it... but we never did!... And come to think of it... we had planned to eat Chinese last night but we went to Taco Heaven..."
"Keep singing Late Nights..." Boogie interrupted. "Just like when the Titanic sank. I haven't been listening to you at all."
CRASH!!
Something on the roof!... But what was it?... The roof was off limits!... Except to robots!
(to be continued)
The phone kept ringing inside the apartment... They could hear the answering machine pick up again... and again.
"You've reached Florida and Jespo. We're probably out cruising the coastline in our Pontiac. Leave us a message and we'll like, call ya back man."
Suddenly Late Nights remembered the strange package in the car.
"Boogie, do you remember that box that was in the trunk?" Late Nights asked, still trying to pry the lock with her tickler. "We said we were gonna open it... but we never did!... And come to think of it... we had planned to eat Chinese last night but we went to Taco Heaven..."
"Keep singing Late Nights..." Boogie interrupted. "Just like when the Titanic sank. I haven't been listening to you at all."
CRASH!!
Something on the roof!... But what was it?... The roof was off limits!... Except to robots!
(to be continued)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Making New Friends
I like meeting new people. If they're nice. and talented? All the better. Keep your eyes and ears open for new people to fill the empty spots in our upcoming show in January, "The Very, Very Late Show With Gilroy Cash Presents An All-Star Musical Tribute To Toni Martini". Boys, girls, and otherwise, if have you, wanted. Auditions coming soon!
Monday, September 14, 2009
University and such
I sometimes wish that you all went to school with me. Because I want to share all of the things I'm learning. Some of it applies to what we're doing and some of it doesn't. But I just wonder what you all would think about it. The class I TA for is a class about the process of creation. Last week we read Wittgenstein's essay On Certainty, and then the students had to write their own version of On Certainty in relation to the piece that they're creating for the class. It just reminded me how important it is to keep learning. You don't have to go to school to do it, but to keep drawing new things into your life makes your life so much richer. I have more feelings about this but I can't make them into coherent sentences right now. Bread is falling asleep standing up. She's so funny when she does that. If any of you are interested in reading On Certainty, I think if you google it you can find the link. It's long and incredibly difficult to understand, and Wittgenstein was nutty. Miss you all.
e
e
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday Blog
Sunday blog
Sunday blog
Ady's doin' a Sunday blog
Little bit of rain
Lil' bit a fog
But Ady's doin' a Sunday blog.
More soon!
Sunday blog
Ady's doin' a Sunday blog
Little bit of rain
Lil' bit a fog
But Ady's doin' a Sunday blog.
More soon!
it's just us guys...
I was perusing our wonderful blog page when my eyes found our lovely list of followers, all Jason Lucas of them. I realize of course people can click on the link at the website and read the blog without "following" us, but officially no one is looking but us. This actually makes me a great deal more comfortable because I know I can tell you guys anything. Like that I am currently nude.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday... Thursday... What's the difference?
My day to blog is Tuesday but since I'm in the habit of forgetting on Tuesdays, I'm blogging today.
This is an exciting time for me!
I'm going to write this about it....
2025 - THE FUTURE
JODA- (having just landed on Planet Earth) I like these potatoes... but not this ridiculous traffic!... and the pollution here!... just awful.
EARTH ANN- I don't know... I don't think it's so bad. I mean there's TV and stuff. What about potato chips?
JODA- Haven't tried them.
EARTH ANN- A lot of the people responsible for the traffic are also responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of potato products.
JODA- Don't care!
EARTH ANN- Besides... we're not even in the traffic. It's outside!
JODA- Well I don't like to see it... And I smell garbage everywhere.
RUDA P~13- (thumbing through EARTH ANN'S drawers) Sure do use a lot of paper!
JODA- (laughing hysterically to the point of levitating slightly) That's an understatement Ruda P~13!! That's an understatement!
EARTH ANN- Look, I'm tired of being made fun of! How long is this going to take?
JODA- As long as we want. This is an alien invasion! We can do what we want... You're lucky we don't probe you.
EARTH ANN- Actually, that was the only part I was looking forward to.
RUDA P~13- Found it!!
JODA- What?
RUDA P-13- We can go now!
EARTH ANN- Thank god!
JODA- What is it?
RUDA P~13- Moisturizer for the lips!
JODA- What are lips?
RUDA P~13- You put a stick of make up on them?
Thanks so much everyone!!! I have the biggest smile on my face and I'm flipping you all off!
Love, Cassius Rosenthal
This is an exciting time for me!
I'm going to write this about it....
2025 - THE FUTURE
JODA- (having just landed on Planet Earth) I like these potatoes... but not this ridiculous traffic!... and the pollution here!... just awful.
EARTH ANN- I don't know... I don't think it's so bad. I mean there's TV and stuff. What about potato chips?
JODA- Haven't tried them.
EARTH ANN- A lot of the people responsible for the traffic are also responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of potato products.
JODA- Don't care!
EARTH ANN- Besides... we're not even in the traffic. It's outside!
JODA- Well I don't like to see it... And I smell garbage everywhere.
RUDA P~13- (thumbing through EARTH ANN'S drawers) Sure do use a lot of paper!
JODA- (laughing hysterically to the point of levitating slightly) That's an understatement Ruda P~13!! That's an understatement!
EARTH ANN- Look, I'm tired of being made fun of! How long is this going to take?
JODA- As long as we want. This is an alien invasion! We can do what we want... You're lucky we don't probe you.
EARTH ANN- Actually, that was the only part I was looking forward to.
RUDA P~13- Found it!!
JODA- What?
RUDA P-13- We can go now!
EARTH ANN- Thank god!
JODA- What is it?
RUDA P~13- Moisturizer for the lips!
JODA- What are lips?
RUDA P~13- You put a stick of make up on them?
Thanks so much everyone!!! I have the biggest smile on my face and I'm flipping you all off!
Love, Cassius Rosenthal
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Squirrel
Last Wednesday I had the most wonderful opportunity to engage with a wild animal. A squirrel. That morning I woke up two hours later than I usually do. And I thought it odd that I could have slept so late. I took bread for a walk, but because it was so hot I cut the walk a little short. If you don't walk before 8am in Austin it gets really hot. Anyway, Bread and I were walking up our street when I noticed a group of cats on my neighbors lawn. They appeared to be gathered around something and when I looked closer I realized they were gathered around a squirrel.
I ran over to scare the cats away so the squirrel could escape because it looked like one of the cats had her pinned by the tail. The cats scattered, and the squirrel tried to climb a tree. At this point it became clear that the squirrel was injured. It's arm was useless and flopped at it's side. It was unable to climb or walk, and it dragged itself for a little while and then collapsed with exhaustion. I immediately went in to a different state of being, and became hyper focused on this squirrel. I put Bread back in the house and grabbed my phone and a paper bag. The cats had regrouped by the time I got back, and I scarred them away again. The squirrel was also frightened and dragged itself into my neighbors car port and underneath a cart.
At this point I'm becoming frantic. Many of you know that I often prefer animals to people. I love animals, and cannot watch them in pain. It's why i don't eat animals, because I love them so much. So I'm frantically looking on my phone for a wild animal rescue group, trying in vein to catch the squirrel. I don't know how to catch the squirrel! I notice that my neighbor has opened his door and shut it again, so I knocked on the door to let him know that he's got an injured animal in his car port. This is the first time I meet my neighbor, although we have waved to each other on previous occasions. He is immediately as distressed as I and comes out to help.
I find a number for a rescue group and call. A woman answers and tells us to throw a towel on the squirrel and put it in a box. I only have a bag. The squirrel doesn't like having a towel thrown on it. It tries to run, but just manages to drag itself around. My neighbor is able to grab it and we put it in the bag.
Okay. So now I have a squirrel in a peets coffee bag. The squirrel doesn't even try to escape it's so exhausted by the pain and the ordeal of trying to run. So I take it into my apartment and look up the address for this rescue place. I drive with the squirrel for 15 minutes out of Austin and turn down a dirt road where there is a little house that serves as an intake center for these animals. Immediately after I arrive another man arrives with another injured squirrel.
A woman looks at my squirrel and then looks at the other squirrel and then takes my squirrel into the house. Another woman takes the other squirrel. I wait for about ten minutes and fill out a form, and also donate fifty dollars. The woman comes out and asks which one of us had the first squirrel I brace myself. She tells me that the squirrels arm is actually not broken, but she appears to have injured her shoulder. This is easier to rehabilitate than a broken arm. She says the squirrel should be able to be fixed and that when she's better they will release her back into the wild. but they tell me that she was nursing, although they think the babies will be old enough to fend for themselves. I thank them and get back in my car and drive home.
I'm late for class that day, but it doesn't matter. This was such a gift to me. Everything happened at the perfect moment. If my neighbor hadn't been home would I have been able to catch the squirrel? And to think that if I'd woken up on time or walked the whole walk that squirrel might have met a different end. And that happens...that's nature. And squirrels die like everything else. But how wonderful to co-create that moment with that squirrel. I'm so grateful for that day. because we are all connected. And I knew in that moment how joyful it is to be connected. I hope you all get to save your own squirrels.
I ran over to scare the cats away so the squirrel could escape because it looked like one of the cats had her pinned by the tail. The cats scattered, and the squirrel tried to climb a tree. At this point it became clear that the squirrel was injured. It's arm was useless and flopped at it's side. It was unable to climb or walk, and it dragged itself for a little while and then collapsed with exhaustion. I immediately went in to a different state of being, and became hyper focused on this squirrel. I put Bread back in the house and grabbed my phone and a paper bag. The cats had regrouped by the time I got back, and I scarred them away again. The squirrel was also frightened and dragged itself into my neighbors car port and underneath a cart.
At this point I'm becoming frantic. Many of you know that I often prefer animals to people. I love animals, and cannot watch them in pain. It's why i don't eat animals, because I love them so much. So I'm frantically looking on my phone for a wild animal rescue group, trying in vein to catch the squirrel. I don't know how to catch the squirrel! I notice that my neighbor has opened his door and shut it again, so I knocked on the door to let him know that he's got an injured animal in his car port. This is the first time I meet my neighbor, although we have waved to each other on previous occasions. He is immediately as distressed as I and comes out to help.
I find a number for a rescue group and call. A woman answers and tells us to throw a towel on the squirrel and put it in a box. I only have a bag. The squirrel doesn't like having a towel thrown on it. It tries to run, but just manages to drag itself around. My neighbor is able to grab it and we put it in the bag.
Okay. So now I have a squirrel in a peets coffee bag. The squirrel doesn't even try to escape it's so exhausted by the pain and the ordeal of trying to run. So I take it into my apartment and look up the address for this rescue place. I drive with the squirrel for 15 minutes out of Austin and turn down a dirt road where there is a little house that serves as an intake center for these animals. Immediately after I arrive another man arrives with another injured squirrel.
A woman looks at my squirrel and then looks at the other squirrel and then takes my squirrel into the house. Another woman takes the other squirrel. I wait for about ten minutes and fill out a form, and also donate fifty dollars. The woman comes out and asks which one of us had the first squirrel I brace myself. She tells me that the squirrels arm is actually not broken, but she appears to have injured her shoulder. This is easier to rehabilitate than a broken arm. She says the squirrel should be able to be fixed and that when she's better they will release her back into the wild. but they tell me that she was nursing, although they think the babies will be old enough to fend for themselves. I thank them and get back in my car and drive home.
I'm late for class that day, but it doesn't matter. This was such a gift to me. Everything happened at the perfect moment. If my neighbor hadn't been home would I have been able to catch the squirrel? And to think that if I'd woken up on time or walked the whole walk that squirrel might have met a different end. And that happens...that's nature. And squirrels die like everything else. But how wonderful to co-create that moment with that squirrel. I'm so grateful for that day. because we are all connected. And I knew in that moment how joyful it is to be connected. I hope you all get to save your own squirrels.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
On Acting, Authenticity and Imitation
When Stanislavsky and The Moscow Art Theatre came to the US for the first time, the world of performance was forever changed. Acting had to that point been a presentational process. Finishing schools were what actors had as spaces to hone talent. The notion of authenticity, though today hashed out in endless directions, was new. No one thought audiences wanted to see real life, so no one tried to give it to them until Stanislavsky fell in love with and obsessively tried to duplicate the spontaneous creative process and brought it to the stage.
When members of the Moscow Art Theatre stayed in New York and began teaching, young actors flocked to them, many of whom would go on to become some of the most influential performers and teachers in the history of American acting.
These Russian instructors must have been fascinating figures. Maria Ousspenskaya, for example, was a small, intense old woman who drank heavily and chain-smoked cigars. For any young woman trying to find herself in pre-WWII America, this surely was a thrill to behold.
I've said before that I think that these young actors, in trying to learn an entirely new process, mistook the teachers for the work itself. There has always been an emphasis on severity in "authentic" acting in the US. Method acting is often associated with unexplainable misery and twitchy suffering. How is it that "reality" includes so little humor?
The people who brought the notion of authenticity to the US were from a very foreign land, a land who's culture, politics and topography were radically different from our own. They had also come from a land that had just gone through a violent shift and was settling itself into a dark and secretive regime. How was it then that what constituted authenticity for them was so similar to what constituted authenticity for American actors? One could argue the overall unifying power of the human condition, and to a certain extent, I would agree with that, but I'm convinced that we are far too affected by our material realities for that to be a sufficient explanation. I think it was simply that, like many young actors, those original students felt insecure with what they had to offer. The Russian version of authenticity was so much more interesting, and it made them feel more interesting, even if for them it was not actually authentic. I wonder to what extent actors are still trying to imitate those first teachers instead of engaging in the process that was actually being taught - learning to relax enough to tap into what is truly you - all the colors in you - so that you can use it on the stage and be real. So many years and so many words for something so simple.
Acting is imitation only to a certain extent. Stanislavsky had epiphanies that inspired him to seek out more. In furiously trying to duplicate or re-create he sometimes traded the moment-to-moment for studiousness and stumbled often in the process. He was the first, and he was in love with the search, so I hold nothing against him. The young American actors who studied with members of Stanislavsky's troupe saw people embracing life on a level they had never seen and tried to imitate it in an effort to lead bigger lives themselves. Actors today see successful actors they admire and they try to duplicate the spark, but it doesn't work because it isn't their spark. Are we seeing the running flaw here?
In life we sometimes have moments of being utterly connected. For a fleeting moment, we get how it all works and see the universe and its components functoning effortlessly, and we become effortless with it. When it goes, it makes perfect sense that we want it back. Unfortunately, far too often, we attempt to get it back by trying to imitate the original experience instead of trying to connect again. We become rigid instead of relaxed, and rigidity does not lead to epiphany.
We are supposed to experience life on a moment-to-moment basis, always allowing for spontaneous growth and change. Few of us manage this a fraction of the time, but it is the point. In trying to authentically imitate life, actors learn to experience the stage moment to moment. If they do it right, they can successfully bring in all the shades of human experience with all its mystery and buffoonery alike. As livers of life, we must at the very least do this. Knowing that we are fascinating enough and complicated enough and funny enough, we must at every possible moment bring our authentic selves to the forefront and live life from there. That way actors will have more to live up to.
Life is never meant to be an imitation.
-ady
When members of the Moscow Art Theatre stayed in New York and began teaching, young actors flocked to them, many of whom would go on to become some of the most influential performers and teachers in the history of American acting.
These Russian instructors must have been fascinating figures. Maria Ousspenskaya, for example, was a small, intense old woman who drank heavily and chain-smoked cigars. For any young woman trying to find herself in pre-WWII America, this surely was a thrill to behold.
I've said before that I think that these young actors, in trying to learn an entirely new process, mistook the teachers for the work itself. There has always been an emphasis on severity in "authentic" acting in the US. Method acting is often associated with unexplainable misery and twitchy suffering. How is it that "reality" includes so little humor?
The people who brought the notion of authenticity to the US were from a very foreign land, a land who's culture, politics and topography were radically different from our own. They had also come from a land that had just gone through a violent shift and was settling itself into a dark and secretive regime. How was it then that what constituted authenticity for them was so similar to what constituted authenticity for American actors? One could argue the overall unifying power of the human condition, and to a certain extent, I would agree with that, but I'm convinced that we are far too affected by our material realities for that to be a sufficient explanation. I think it was simply that, like many young actors, those original students felt insecure with what they had to offer. The Russian version of authenticity was so much more interesting, and it made them feel more interesting, even if for them it was not actually authentic. I wonder to what extent actors are still trying to imitate those first teachers instead of engaging in the process that was actually being taught - learning to relax enough to tap into what is truly you - all the colors in you - so that you can use it on the stage and be real. So many years and so many words for something so simple.
Acting is imitation only to a certain extent. Stanislavsky had epiphanies that inspired him to seek out more. In furiously trying to duplicate or re-create he sometimes traded the moment-to-moment for studiousness and stumbled often in the process. He was the first, and he was in love with the search, so I hold nothing against him. The young American actors who studied with members of Stanislavsky's troupe saw people embracing life on a level they had never seen and tried to imitate it in an effort to lead bigger lives themselves. Actors today see successful actors they admire and they try to duplicate the spark, but it doesn't work because it isn't their spark. Are we seeing the running flaw here?
In life we sometimes have moments of being utterly connected. For a fleeting moment, we get how it all works and see the universe and its components functoning effortlessly, and we become effortless with it. When it goes, it makes perfect sense that we want it back. Unfortunately, far too often, we attempt to get it back by trying to imitate the original experience instead of trying to connect again. We become rigid instead of relaxed, and rigidity does not lead to epiphany.
We are supposed to experience life on a moment-to-moment basis, always allowing for spontaneous growth and change. Few of us manage this a fraction of the time, but it is the point. In trying to authentically imitate life, actors learn to experience the stage moment to moment. If they do it right, they can successfully bring in all the shades of human experience with all its mystery and buffoonery alike. As livers of life, we must at the very least do this. Knowing that we are fascinating enough and complicated enough and funny enough, we must at every possible moment bring our authentic selves to the forefront and live life from there. That way actors will have more to live up to.
Life is never meant to be an imitation.
-ady
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A Place to go...
There is a place that you can go... not a physical place... It is primarily a "mental" place but it also has to do with your emotions and your attitude. Those things are mental too but it's important to point out that you can't go to this place if your attitude is shitty or you are feeling sorry for yourself.
When you're in this place, things that you want come easily to you. When you're in this place you can virtually see your desire manifesting before you. You can feel your part in it all from your physical place and you can also feel the "divine" working with you.
When I am in this place, I feel one with everything, without ever having to take the time to consciously state that to myself. I create beyond my dreams and I have many of the best moments of my life. I find that the more I allow myself to go to this "place" the better I feel.
It's a process and it takes time, especially if you have a tendency to lie to yourself about how wonderful you really are...but you start to feel it and that makes all the difference.
I am at a place right now where I can clearly feel the difference between "then" and "now", maybe for the first time ever, but there will be a little time before my whole life catches up and abundantly reflects the changes going on within me. Not everyone sees it yet. People still see the "old" Clay and some people will choose to cling to that image, even long after I have shed it. That is not in any way important to or detrimental to my process.
At this point, I finally don't need anyone else to see it for it to be real now because I feel it.
When it comes to ourselves, we know where others can only guess. We have all of our answers and possess all that is needed to guide ourselves successfully toward what we want and what we feel we deserve. We are doing it constantly, even in spite of our lack of awareness of it.
Everyone has access to the "place" within themselves that loves instead of criticizes... allows instead of restricts... dances instead of hiding. The thing is, you can't take all of your made up problems and neurosis to this place. It just never works. Only you, the pure, loving, accepting, joyous part of you can get there and when you do... you will see that there are worlds of inspiration, waiting for you to translate them into physical reality. Just be honest and brave. We have all wasted too much time caring too much what everyone else thinks! No one else knows! They can only guess!
I love everybody who reads this and more than that... I love me!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
-Director
When you're in this place, things that you want come easily to you. When you're in this place you can virtually see your desire manifesting before you. You can feel your part in it all from your physical place and you can also feel the "divine" working with you.
When I am in this place, I feel one with everything, without ever having to take the time to consciously state that to myself. I create beyond my dreams and I have many of the best moments of my life. I find that the more I allow myself to go to this "place" the better I feel.
It's a process and it takes time, especially if you have a tendency to lie to yourself about how wonderful you really are...but you start to feel it and that makes all the difference.
I am at a place right now where I can clearly feel the difference between "then" and "now", maybe for the first time ever, but there will be a little time before my whole life catches up and abundantly reflects the changes going on within me. Not everyone sees it yet. People still see the "old" Clay and some people will choose to cling to that image, even long after I have shed it. That is not in any way important to or detrimental to my process.
At this point, I finally don't need anyone else to see it for it to be real now because I feel it.
When it comes to ourselves, we know where others can only guess. We have all of our answers and possess all that is needed to guide ourselves successfully toward what we want and what we feel we deserve. We are doing it constantly, even in spite of our lack of awareness of it.
Everyone has access to the "place" within themselves that loves instead of criticizes... allows instead of restricts... dances instead of hiding. The thing is, you can't take all of your made up problems and neurosis to this place. It just never works. Only you, the pure, loving, accepting, joyous part of you can get there and when you do... you will see that there are worlds of inspiration, waiting for you to translate them into physical reality. Just be honest and brave. We have all wasted too much time caring too much what everyone else thinks! No one else knows! They can only guess!
I love everybody who reads this and more than that... I love me!
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
-Director
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